As I sit here, debating to lay my head down for the evening for MUCH needed rest, I begin to feel as though I need to write. Everyday, I feel as though I need to write...but everyday I struggle with how do I put into words the feelings I have...the conflict, the worry, frustration, sadness, joy, irritability, eagerness, excitement, boredom waiting...
This has been the most difficult experience of my life to date...not only have we dealt with fertility issues, IVF, IUI, low counts, bad eggs, good eggs, bad embryos, great A+ embryos, donors, today your pregnant, today your not pregnant, blood work, ultrasounds, pokes and prods...the statement " I think you should adopt", then the statement " I think we can make this work"...ARGH...... I am still full of hope... We begin the adoption process...
Almost a year later, we are still in the process, waiting....... ope is starting to fade. How do you wait? I thought that the fertility process was the most difficult...now we are faced with WAITING! Waiting IS by far, the most difficult process of my life. You are told that you will make a wonderful family to a special child and then you are faced with TIME...time to think, wait, think, dwell, wait, think, blah, blah, blah. I just want to be a wonderful family...RIGHT NOW!!!!
So the question is How do I wait? Tonight, I have no idea...maybe tomorrow I will know.
As I end this, I have just heard (on the tv) words that give me hope and I should think of often...
Keep your dream, you never know what tomorrow will bring....

We shall see what tomorrow will bring!

Time is going and we are still waiting!

So, I know it has been 4 months since my last post (and only the 2nd one in my life...thought I would be better at this! ha) but I am sure hoping that life is going to get a little more exciting in the next few months...I will then be posting LOTS...I hope!!!
In the last 4 months, we have:

• Painted the entire house and purchased new living room furniture
• Ended the school year
• Had a relaxing summer
• Drove to Florida with Kelly: Tim and Kelly drove up the beginning of July. Tim stayed for a week and had to fly home to get back to work. Kelly stayed until the end of July and patiently waited for me to go to some conferences for work and then we headed back to Florida. I was able to stay for about 12 days. It was a nice visit. I got to visit with old friends (Thanks Steph and Krista!) and was able to celebrate my grandma's 90th birthday...what a celebration!
• Gone on profile at Sunny Ride and begun to involve ourselves with other families going thru the same things. Our profile can be seen at www.sunnyridge.com
• Spent wonderful weeks with Colleen, Dom and Quinn: Wonderful friends that are more like family. We are so grateful for the time we get to share with The Calominos when they are in. Colleen and Quinn (4mos) were able to take the long flight from Vegas to Orlando in July to see Kelly and Tim. I was there during the visit and I just love those girls SO much! It was a wonderful visit and great way to spend a week. Colleen, Quinn, and I flew home to Chicago and were able to spend another week together! Miss them SOO MUCH!
• Jimmy Buffet Concert with great friends
• Celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary...Time has gone TOO fast! It seems as though it was just yesterday that we sat in my moms driveway in Richton Park and dreamed of the days that we would be married and be on our own...time is moving faster than my brain can comprehend! What I would give to be back in the driveway again...not to re-do what we have done...but to remember it a little better and cherish it a little bit longer.
• Had wonderful visits with both sets of Parents at our home
• Celebrated Nicks 31st Birthday: We had a nice Starbucks breakfast, walk with Lola along Lake Michigan, Jackhammer's game with Chris and Nona and the kids, and gifts. All in all I think Nick had a wonderful birthday!
• Put in a new patio and fire pit (come over...party any time!)
• Enjoyed time with Mason ans Sofi
• Changed classrooms...which has been a blessing and challenge all at the same time!
• Celebrated our 1st year anniversary with Lola...She has been a true blessing to us! She came when we needed something to take our minds off of infertility and enjoy the best things in life. Thank You Deanna, for "bringing Lola" into our home...we love her more than you know and more than we thought we could!

And here we are today...I tried to put most of that in order...it's close enough!
We are hoping that the next few months go quickly in terms of waiting for the birth of our child, but not soo quickly that we don't enjoy the time we have together.

3 Interviews down...1 to go!

Well, I went to my (Suzzi) portion of the adoption interviews on Tuesday. I have to say that I was not as nervous as I thought I would be for the days leading up to it. That day I was a little nervous, but not as much as I usually am for things that I don't know what to expect. When I got there, I met with Bob in his office. We talked about things from family make up to adjective to describe Nick and myself. It was a very easy conversation, which left me feeling good. The interview lasted about 2 hours. I really am not sure though because I got into the office about 9:25 and not one of the 3 clocks in the office worked. So, needless to say, I really have no idea how long the interview portion lasted. After the interview, Bob set me up in a conference room where I had to take a personality/ behavior test. The test was 180 questions. I had to take it in regards to myself and then I had to take it thinking about Nick. As most people know, I am not the best test taker in the world...in fact, I am probably one of the SLOWEST test takers, so I finished about 12:15. It wasn't as bad as I thought. Actually, I was probably more nervous about the dumb test than I was about discussing the last 31 years of my life.
So, now we are done with 3 of the interviews, and Bob told me to tell Nick that I did good...so I am hoping that means something GREAT! Bob comes out to our house next Friday to check it out and hopefully we will have more info after that meeting is thru.
Now onto PROJECTS in and around the house before Bob comes! YIKES!!!
landscaping, fence, new rug, curtains, another new rug, wall decor, cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, and more cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, new couch delivered, and I am sure the list just CONTINUES! Hmmm...I wonder what things will get done by next Friday? :)

It is really starting to happen...

Well, today will the start the first of many posts. As many know, we are in the middle of an adoption. We have been unsuccessful at getting pregnant on our own and with the help of fertility. So we decided that it was time to stop the fertility treatments, as they are grueling month after month. So here we are today, working with Sunny Ridge Family Center. Last week Nick and I met with a Homestudy coordinator and began the homestudy process. We were both interviewed together and it went well. It was very much like the marriage counceling that most people go thru in the months before you get married. We talked about our relationship, how we met, strengths and weaknesses in our marriage, dealing with infertility, how we view adoption and how we see it fitting into our family. The meeting with Bob (the homestudy guy) lasted about an hour and a half. He was very comfortable to talk to and we look forward to sharing our journey with him. Today (as I write), Nick is meeting with Bob for his one on one interview. It should last about the same amount of time as the last meeting. They will discuss Nick's family and how he was raised.
I go for my one on one interview next Tuesday and then on May 8th we will welcome Bob into our home to check it out and see all of the wonderfulness we can provide to a baby! :)

This has and will continue to be a long journey to build our family but building a family is very important to us, that it is worth the wait. We are excited for the journey that is ahead with an adoption and birth family. We know that our friends adn family are supportive and will do all they can to continue to support us in this endeavor.